So, I found this picture a while ago, but it still cracks me up. I have no idea why it's so appealing to me, but I connect with it so well.
I know it's been a while. I'm not apologizing, just recognizing it. No, I haven't been too busy. No, I didn't forget about it. Everytime I felt like writing something here it just didn't feel like I had anything to write about, so I moved on.
But as usual, whenever I sit down to write it's because something's either been bugging me and I don't know how to process it or I just want to vent. Today, it's a bit of A and B.
One thing that I've noticed while writing these though is that what is ACTUALLY bugging rarely finds it's way onto the page. Maybe I just need a distraction and this helps out. Who knows... But here's something cool.
Today, I just got a few of my books for the coming semester and the one that I'm most excited for is Social Psychology. If you've read any of the notes/blogs/whatever you call these things that I've posted before, you probably could have already guessed that. And if you know a little bit more about me you won't be surprised that the first chapter that I flipped to is chapter 11: Attraction and Intimacy. Why this chapter? Because it's what interests me.
I've only read a few of the first pages, but here are a couple of the things that jumped out to me right from that:
1. Everyone relishes being accepted by others.
This one is a bit of a no-brainer. But I still like how quickly this was brought up. Barely halfway down the 2nd page in the chapter. I've read quite a bit about a person's need to belong and what really interests me is how often this is frustrated. It's crazy how easy this need can be fulfilled. There have been studies done where excluding someone from something as simple as a game of catch can lead to an increase in stress and leave someone feeling deflated.
One example of how damaging it can be to not be accepted is when you take a look at the "silent treatment." Silent treatment is a powerful tool or weapon that people often use as either a punishment or just to avoid someone. The thing about the silent ttreatment is that it can easily reach the extreme of approaching emotional abuse. The ostracism created by it is devastating and not surprisingly has a stronger effect on women than men.
Not only that, but there's a new thing being researched called "cyber-ostracism." This includes little things like when someone ignores your email or ignores you when they try to chat with you on things like facebook or never responding to a text.
2. Rejection and ostracism trigger the same reaction in the mind as real, phsyical pain.
This one I'm sure everyone can relate to. I doubt that there's a single person on earth that has not felt this. One girl, or one guy that for some reason or other just wasn't into you and left you out to dry and you felt it. You know. That sting, that hurt, that confusion. And maybe you couldn't describe it but it was real.
Guess what? You were right. That pain is real. It activates some of the same areas of your brain as getting kicked or stabbed or punched does. Not only that, when asked to remember a time when people felt excluded they perceived the room as five degrees colder than people asked to remember times when they were included.
3. Death of a family member, co-worker, or classmate increases the need to belong and feel close to others.
Granted some people need time to be alone and mourn, but once they've done that they will feel this need. Perhaps they won't recognize it, but those who know them will probably notice a change in their behavior where they try to be more social. When this need is thwarted or there is not an increase in social interaction, it can lead to mild depression and loneliness.
Now, as always, I had no plan about what I was going to write and this is what came out. Coincidentally, I talked about death. My grandma died this weekend. I wasn't particularly close with her. I did really like her and we got along, but she married my grandpa when I was 11 and I just didn't have the time to get as close to her as I have my other relatives. It wasn't unexpected either because she had suffered a severe stroke and was diagnosed with brain cancer about a year ago. She had been given around 6 months to live and lasted a lot longer.
And I still felt this need.
